


They encounter an unusual horse

by AbigailKinney4life



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Don't Read This, M/M, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24080830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbigailKinney4life/pseuds/AbigailKinney4life
Summary: Greg the Horse's fanfiction debut
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 15
Kudos: 195





	They encounter an unusual horse

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt fill I did on tumblr for 'they encounter an unusual horse' and i thought what the hell I'll post it here as well because yolo and most of you probably don't follow me and it would be a shame for you to miss this, frankly, work of art. I know. I'm too modest.
> 
> Rating for bad language and even worse jokes

“What…” Geralt asked, voice low even for him. “…is that?”

“Obviously, he’s a horse.” Jaskier said with a roll of his eyes. “Honestly, Geralt.”

Geralt’s eyes dragged unwillingly over its many, _many_ misshapen eyes and the six arms sticking out at different lengths from its elongated torso.

“What, err, makes you think it’s a horse?” He asked Jaskier but his yellow eyes remained trained on the abomination in case it tried to punch him or…stare him to death.

“There! Look at his legs!” Jaskier pointed to the four hooved appendages on the bottom half of the animal. “How can’t you see that? The Djinn that made him _really_ knew how to make horses.”

Geralt blinked, Jaskier’s words registering with him later than they usual would have under normal circumstances. “Wait, did you say ‘Djinn’?”

“Yeah, would you believe I found another Djinn?” Jaskier said brightly, scratching…whatever it was…behind wherever Geralt assumed its ear was supposed to be.

“What did you wish for?” The witcher asked with as much incredulity as his stoic vocal chords would allow. “A child’s drawing of a jousting match crash?”

“No!” Jaskier pouted petulantly. “I wished for a companion that would love and protect me.”

“And the Djinn gave you a monster?”

“Greg is not a monster!”

“Greg.” Geralt repeated, deadpan.

“Oh no, you’re right, I should have named him something lovely like _Roach_.”

At the mention of her name, the mare trotted forward and sniffed experimentally at Greg’s large head. Greg lifted an arm and tipped his top hat courteously in her direction. Roach whinnied pleasantly and Geralt scowled.

“Why is it wearing…a hat?”

“It’s called style, Geralt, I don’t expect you to understand.”

The witcher set his jaw. “That thing not coming with us to Rinde.”

“Pardon?” Jaskier asked.

“I said, that _thing_ is not coming with us.”

“Pardon?”

Geralt glared at him with a look that could kill if witcher’s possessed such an ability. “Greg.” He acquiesced. “Is not coming with us.”

“I love him.” Jaskier said simply. “You have both of us or none of us.”

“Fine.” Geralt huffed, taking Roach by the reins and leading her away from Greg. “I’ll have none of you.”

There was a low whistle as something round and red fluttered inexplicably from the sky. The malleable ball splattered on impact down the witcher’s armoured back, coating the black studded leather with a bright red substance not unlike paint. He didn’t jump. Instead, he turned back to Jaskier.

“Yeah, that’s the second wish.” Jaskier explained. “That happens every time you’re mean to me.”

“Jaskier, you moron!”

A second red ball fell from the sky. This one burst against Geralt’s shoulder guard and splattered onto his unamused face.

The look he fixed Jaskier with was a mixture of menace and exasperation. “I hate you.” He said. The third hit the top of Geralt’s head, temporarily dyeing his white scalp a bizarre shade of pink while red rivulets dribbled down his face. “Worth it.” Was all he said before turning and walking away again.

Jaskier didn’t follow. “I still have one wish left.” He instead mused to his companion. “I could have anything in the world. What should I wish for?”

Greg turned his many eyes to Jaskier and blinked at him reproachfully.

“You’re absolutely right.” Jaskier agreed. In his hand, a juicy red apple appeared. The sun glinted invitingly off its waxed skin. Jaskier extended his arm and Greg munched the apple with the mouth he presumably has somewhere ( _Joey_ ).

“I love you, Greg.” Jaskier said.

“Jaskier!” A distant voice came from up ahead. “Will you hurry the fuck up?” _Splat. “_ ** _Fuck!_** _”_


End file.
